This post is dedicated to my little sister on her 25^th birthday. Hanna, I hope your path is full of happiness and fulfillment and that no matter what, you never unlearn how to dream big.

There’s something about growing up where it seems that we’re often taught that we should figure out how to be right over learning what it means to be true. We tuck away our quirks and contain our curiosity. We mold our lives to fit with conventional notions of success. We get on path, or at least we do our best to appear to be on track. We concede to our circumstances, even if we’re not sure what we want. Slowly we stop exploring.

For many, myself included, this way of life is simply not an option. Something deep inside of us fights against it like it’s an act of survival. The alternative is to figure out how to be true and create our own paths. This requires a creative, generative orientation towards the world. It involves continuous learning and growth. It entails a different approach to work and life that I deeply believe is both possible and necessary.

The following list includes 12 lessons from my own journey. It reflects a selection of approaches and perspectives on how to create your own path.

1. Change is a question, not an answer.

For a long time I thought that if I just worked harder, I’d find that perfect job. Or maybe if I collected a few more credentials, then the answer would appear. I eventually came to understand how misguided this was. I stopped wasting time on writing cover letters for jobs that I didn’t want. Instead I started to think about my interests and goals more like a set of questions and experiments. This approach inspired me to try new things and start new projects. It led me to take action before I had an answer. Ultimately it invited change into my life in ways that were much more interesting and impactful than anything that would have come out of simply making a plan.

2. Build genuine relationships with good, interesting people.

I can’t emphasize enough the importance of putting people first. The reality we’re all facing is that the future is uncertain and people change jobs much more frequently. Relationships on the other hand, last. They’re not time-bound nor are they constrained to where you live or who you work for. Relationships can be the single most valuable source of fulfillment, opportunity and impact in your career. One thing I’ve repeatedly seen is that great work happens in collaboration with interesting people who are excited about what they’re doing. Surround yourself with these people.

3. Invest in experiences that are expansive

It used to be that investing in your future meant securing the promotion, finding the partner, acquiring the house, etc. When you had all of these things, then you’d know you had arrived. The hard truth is that our paths are not certain and there is no arrival. A better job title doesn’t ensure future security and bigger bank account will not guarantee happiness. If you really want to invest in your future, be very intentional about what you dedicate your time and attention to. Build self-awareness and confidence in where you are now. Prioritize the experiences that make your life expansive and that will continue to seed possibility. Doing so will enable you to be happy now and will allow you to create opportunity as needed.

4. You’re allowed to be more than one thing.

Most of the workforce is organized around the assumption that people are supposed to be one thing. You’ll be told that you should pick a function, industry, etc. And that focus will define you and become your path. The problem with this framework, however, is that it’s designed for you to perform a set of tasks, not to capture your full talent. Human beings are multidimensional. We’re a contradiction and an imperfect, unfinished reflection of our unique experiences. You’re allowed to be multiple things and all at once, should you so desire. This means that you won’t fit into drop down menus on sites like LinkedIn. Over time, however, you’ll move much closer to the work that aligns with who you are and what you’re truly capable of. A more holistic story will emerge.

5. Just because it’s not wrong, doesn’t make it right.

This lesson came at the end of a long-term relationship with a wonderful guy. We met when we were young and over time simply grew in different directions. Staying together would have meant choosing comfort and certainty over each other’s long-term happiness. Letting go meant starting from scratch, without any guarantee of what would come next. I share this story not so much as relationship advice, but rather as a reflection of what I believe is the paradox of our times – a pervasive tension between comfort and growth. While there’s nothing wrong with simply being content, it’s important to be conscious of where our choices stem from and when we’re turning to comfort to mask our fears.

6. Stand up for the things you believe in.

As a designer with little quant background, I never would have made it into business school had I listened to the rules and averages. Instead, I stood by my belief that creativity has a place in business and that multidisciplinary problem solving is crucial to our future. I found a way to demonstrate this in my own story and in my contributions to the school. This commitment to my beliefs has continuously shown me the impact of integrity. It’s enabled me to discover new opportunities and meet some incredible people with similar values and goals. There’s no point in trying to mirror someone else’s journey. A path that’s built on your own unique perspective will always be more effective and way more fun.

7. Build a strong foundation.

Part of creating your own path means facing more uncertainty and risk. Navigating this type of journey is difficult if you’re constantly operating from a place of scarcity. Try not to fall into the cycle of running on fumes or depleted resources. Sometimes this is unavoidable, but be careful not to let it occur for extended periods of time. Prioritize your health above all else and learn how to manage your finances in the context of your goals. Knowing what your personal baseline is and how to maintain it is key. One way I’ve done this is through learning how to experiment with and establish good cornerstone habits.

8. Find the potential in your circumstances

The real gap between our reality and our happiness has much more to do with the way we relate to ourselves and to the world around us. Shifting your focus from what you’re lacking to what you have to work with, can be really powerful. Whenever I’m stuck, I try to reframe my circumstances to find the upside or the opportunity in my reality. This allows me to tell and live out a different story. It enables me to be more deliberate about how I experience and react to that reality. Life isn’t always perfect, but if you’re going to be in it, you may as well be in it. Find the joy and potential in your circumstances and don’t just wait life out.

9. Learn how to create your own value.

During a transition I took on some freelance work for a friend. Not knowing what to put on my LinkedIn profile, I simply updated my position to “Alyson Madrigan Consulting.” Immediately I started getting congratulations. I hadn’t expected any response, but I went along with it and not long after sold my first major project all by myself. The experience forced me to figure out which specific skills I have that people are willing to pay for and what my time is worth. It taught me how important it is to learn how to create your own value. Even if you start with something very small, it will help you build confidence in your own worth and in your ability to stand on your own. It will create a little safety net, which will provide you with the choice to create your own value should you ever need to or want to.

10. It’s not supposed to be easy

Oftentimes it seems like everyone else has it figured out, but the truth is that most people don’t. Over the past few years, I’ve interviewed and spoken with hundreds of people about their paths. What I find a bit heartbreaking, is that many people feel like there’s something wrong with them if they aren’t on path or if they don’t know what their path should be. I think the important thing to be aware of is that there are very real reasons for why it’s difficult. Our economy is in a period of flux and we’re working with a lot of outdated norms and added challenges. I’ve found that resistance and judgment only make things worse. If we can all be a little bit less hard on ourselves and more supportive of each other, it can be a positive experience. It’s not supposed to be easy, but it doesn’t have to be so hard.

11. Leave some room to play

At a young age, I made the deliberate decision to take responsibility for making my life what I wanted it to be. While in many ways this perspective has fueled my path, it’s also come with a certain amount of pressure. I used to think that unplanned time and relaxation were counterproductive to my goals. I’ve learned that I’m actually at my happiest and most creative when I allow room for joy and playfulness. The whole point of creating your own path is to live a happier, more fulfilling existence. This might feel counterintuitive when you’re on an ambiguous trajectory, but try to do less and don’t overschedule. Create space in your life for reflection, beauty, intentional serendipity, and play.

12. You are not your job.

In the end, none of this job stuff really matters that much. Work can be a deep source of meaning in our lives, but it should never come at the expense of our ability to be present for life. Our jobs do not define who we are or the value we have to offer. Perhaps the most difficult yet most important lesson I’ve learned on this journey is that we are not our jobs. We are people first and we are lacking nothing.